Sunshine Coast Hinterland Times

I DO SO WANT this job. But I don’t like the look of the interviewing panel. The woman on the right, with Mrs Blair on a card in front of her, her mouth turns down at the corners, and she’s gazing through me at something behind my head. Then there’s Jones, on the left. He looks out the window and fiddles with a ring on his wedding finger. His collar is crooked, and his shirt is decorated with a spot of something yellow. Perhaps he forgot he was coming to work today, is dreaming of being somewhere else, anywhere else. And then there is McReady, in the middle, slicked down hair, staring at me, directly with sharp blue eyes boring into my brown.

McReady speaks, and the other two jerk like stringed puppets to a semblance of attention. The panel is ready.

‘I’d like to welcome you to the interview, ‘McReady refers to the page in front of him, ‘Miss …er…Maynor.’

I open my mouth to thank him, but he drones on.

‘This interview may be recorded for training purposes. Part of our dedication to improving core competencies, and our expectation of 110 percent loyalty from staff. We like to employ people we feel will be operating from the same page.’

He pauses to glare at Jones, whose attention has been captured by the window again. ‘ We don’t want to foster ‘she’ll be right’ attitudes, we want employees to lead by example, to be ready to face a bit of a challenge.’

He takes a deep breath.

‘I’ve read the duties and requirement, Mr McReady, and I feel I do have the competencies to handle the work, and my background is in a similar field. I would only have to learn your company’s special requirements to do a really good job.’ I feel a bit hesitant, but important to show I’m entering into the interview.

‘Ah yes, Miss…er…Maynor. We do want employees who can talk the talk, and have the skills to put us in a win win situation. Put their shoulders to the wheel, so to speak, and not produce no-brainers. And having said that, even though the work is not rocket science, our prime aim is to go on moving forward,’

I smile and nod enthusiastically.

Mrs Blair focuses her attention on me.

‘We provide a service to the public, Miss Maynor, which we hope will soon be available 24/7. We are moving towards that, albeit slowly. There have been some flies in the ointment, of course, but we believe at the end of the day we will all be singing from the same song sheet.’ She glares at Jones. ‘ However, we realise the value of keeping open minds, and not ruling anything in or anything out at this point in time. Our staff will be faced with a steep learning curve as we introduce them to the new ball game. Having said that, you see, we plan to remain cutting edge in the industry.’

‘Er, yes. And you have a strategic plan?’ I am feeling a little confused.

McReady smiles at me indulgently.

‘That is our best-kept secret! We are still in the development stage, and cannot reveal our plans at this point in time. But, be assured, we are entering virgin territory, and betraying too much would be equivalent to putting a hole in our collective heads, literally. Having said that, at the end of the day, when our plans are available for public scrutiny, there will be many positive inputs for working families. Meanwhile, we are the unsung heroes, beavering away with the expectation we will swim rather than sink.’

Jones is scratching his leg under the table. He is absorbed in the task, small waves of delighted pain flit across his face as he goes scratch, scratch, scratch. I can’t take my eyes off him.

McReady regards him silently, and then continues.

‘If you get this job, Miss…er…Maynor, we expect that you will push the envelope and labour through hell and high water to get the work done. That you will take whatever action is necessary to move forward. Remembering, of course, that we are not interested in people who will upset the apple cart.’

‘Bullshit! Bullshit! Bullshit!’ Jones erupts from his torpor. ‘ Can’t anyone speak it like it is? I’ve been financing this unproductive company for the last three years, listening to this non-speak, never seeing any results. “Best kept secret!” Too right! There is no plan, there is no policy, there is no product. Just words. Well I have a new one for you. We are ‘downsizing’. There’s a word to strike fear into your useless hearts! D-O-W-N-S-I-Z-I-N-G!’

The room hangs. Like the sea drawing back before the tsunami rushes in.

I look at the three. I am irrelevant. There is no job here and there is going to be an almighty fight.

I stand up. I smile sweetly at them.

‘Enjoy the rest of your day.’ I say softly.

I walk to the door and close it gently behind me as I leave.

Angry voices follow me down the corridor and into the sunlight.