Terry Ryder
Residents of the Range are able to detach from many of the ugly features of the modern world: traffic lights, parking fees, industrial noise, water restrictions, storms that wipe out suburbs, check-out people whose highest form of communication is the grunt.
But pick up the phone to call a service and you’re plunged into the city-centric world many of us seek to avoid.
I once knew my gas bottle delivery man well. I had his mobile number and whenever a bottle was empty I’d call and the conversation went like this: “Hi, it’s Terry.” “Gidday, mate, need a new bottle?” “Yes, mate.” “I’ll drop by tomorrow.” And he’d show up the next day.
Then the boffins who run big companies decided this kind of familiarity was inappropriate. Today it’s forbidden to call the mobile. One must phone the 1300 number – and the conversation goes like this: “I need a gas delivery please.” “What town?” “Maleny.” “Where?” “Maleny.” “How do you spell that?” “M-A-L-E-N-Y.” “M-E-L?” “No, M-A-L-E-N-Y.” “What state is that in?” “Queensland.” “I need directions for the truck delivery man.” “He’s delivered to my place hundreds of times – he knows the way.” “I have to get directions, just in case.” “Why, do you think he might suddenly forget the way?” “I have to get directions …”
Want to place an ad in a local newspaper? You have to phone a call centre and speak to a twit who’s never heard of Maleny. Want to call the local branch of a financial institution which handles your business? You consult the local phone book but the 54 number has been replaced with a 13 number and you have to speak to a teenager in a call centre instead of the local manager who knows you.
Who actually thinks this is a good idea? Only the bean-counters who work deep in the bowels of big companies.
The modern way to do business is to lower the level of service to save costs and then run television ads telling people you’re doing it because you care. Banks demonstrate world’s worst practice at this. Nothing has changed with banks – they still treat their customers like account numbers, charging outrageous fees for poor services, but run ads to tell us otherwise. You’ve all seen them: The other banks treat you badly, but we’re different. You have to be special to work for us. We care.
All this has given rise to a new stress phenomenon known as “phone rage”. If you’ve ever tried to get any sense out of voice recognition technology, you’ll know what phone rage is. If you’ve phoned a local service and ended up speaking to someone in Calcutta, you’ll be familiar with the concept.
Technology, and the way cost-cutters use it, is one of the greatest sources of modern stress. A Telecommunications Ombudsman report says phone rage due to long delays, voice recognition software that doesn’t understand the word “yes” and other irritations is at an all-time high: 150,000 official complaints in FY2008.
Phone rage is right up there with road rage as a cause of stress. And stress is a big issue: Medibank Private says stress-related absenteeism costs the economy $5 billion a year.
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